I hate depression so much, it doesn’t matter that I have an amazing boyfriend who does everything he can possibly do for me, doesn’t matter that things are going really well and I have an awesome new job, doesn’t matter if I haven’t had a panic attack in six months and have been feeling wonderful because all of a sudden it’s back and I’ve been crying in my bed for 7 hours feeling like I want to die, and not having the energy to text anyone back even my boyfriend who sent me the sweetest texts making sure I was OK but all I can think is that I’m just a giant piece of shit that doesn’t even deserve how nice he or anyone else is treating me. And the worst part of it is wondering if it’s gonna last a week this time around or six months like last time? How do I explain to my boyfriend that though everything is OK and perfect even, for some reason my brain isn’t getting that and I still feel like I’d be better off dead? It’s like you really think that you’re starting to get better and that it’s gone for good this time and then it hits you full force and you have to learn how to deal with it all over again, the self hatred and suppressing all the terrifying thoughts. I fucking hate this, I just fucking want my brain to be normal.

kylorenvevo:

Be the hero this year took from you